The show begins with a segment that ends with P-Dub’s startling admission that he is a complete idiot. We move on to a story about the formation of a racist bank after a couple fights the evil empire. From there we attack a story Spike likes to call “Read All About It” despite it having nothing to do with reading and a lot to do with panhandling. Steve wants to return the streets to the hookers. Miss Marilyn wants to see firemen wearing only boots. Clark wants to differentruate between sellers and beggars. Bill Schmotz is worried about his insurance premiums. And finally, P-Dub comes out in favor of “Street Ribs”. It goes downhill from there to the crew being taught what to argue about, and somebody winning the birthday challenge.
The lovely and talented crew is augmented by the lovely and talented Miss Monica, who returns after a long absence to demonstrate her sticktoitivness. We weigh in on Implantable Contact Lenses. We learn that cavemen didn’t need reading glasses. Spike tries to convince us that “I.C.L.s”, as he likes to call them, can “moinomorphis” as your eyesight changes so you won’t need new ones. We learn that “Speed & Feed” is the name for the new meaning of weed & feed. You’re right. But it gets worse. We have a new game show called “Answer No Um”. I’m sorry, you probably think that I said, “Answer No Um”. I did. Here’s what that means. You must answer a question, without saying “Um”, and you have 30 seconds to answer. Did you think that means your answer has to always be 30 seconds long? Neither did the panel. And of course, Bill Schmotz proves once again that he is the show’s authority when it comes to Black History.
Approximately 55 seconds before this episode began, Spike left our paluscious studios to go to the baffroom. Subsequently he was on something other than “the mic” when the show started. It was perhaps after that when the staff realized how much he looks like Urkel. Once the show gets started we discover how much worse than Y2K same sex marriage is for government computers. Through this we learn that our show is #1 with Isis! Spike makes a dizecutive decision and tells us we can now order a cappungchain from Starbucks online. Unlike the entire cast, he seems to think that’s a bad thing. He then tells us about The Crayola Institute in Stockholm doing a study that suggests traffic noise makes you fat. As if that wasn’t frightening enough we learn that the cure is to wear a choker with a piece-o-low-centric sensor that scolds you on your smart phone for eating. Somehow the conclusion finds us in a medieval bowling alley mocking scientific inventions as they pass by. This could be our most important show ever.
This award deserving episode features the normal lovely and talented crew plus the lovely and talented but not so regular Tatia. We do lots of educational things like finding out humans don’t eat eggs when they are trying to pass a United States citizenship test (or any other time according to Spike). We learn how to profit from the selling of things that are free. We learn how to sell more drugs by offering our frequent customers a discount on their dope. We also learn that a domestic situation doesn’t have to get very complicated before P-Dub can’t follow it at all. This particular show was chosen to be included in a NASA probe designed to keep space aliens away from Earth.
Tonight our guest-host is the lovely and talented Miss Marilyn J, and she reigns over the usual lovely and talented cast of characters – Dr. Captain Clark, Steve, P.W., Bill Schmotz, and Spike (not on the mic so much). We have plenty of telephone callers, and even our studio audience gets in on the action. We give advice to fathers, mix sex with baseball, envision smell-o-vision field trips, and we talk about ten dollar chicks. It’s just like every other Spike On The Mic Show, except this one is in English.
Another fine show recorded for all time. Let’s just say tonight’s cast was each lovely and talented in their own way. Some ways stranger than others. Miss Marilyn J, Mr. Jeff Rey, Mr. Pearl’s Son, Mr. Bill Schmotz, Mr. P.W., and Spike are all in attendance for this show highlighting our competitive ignorance. Listen and learn as we shout out our names, get recognized, and reveal our wrong answers. We even get to hear the long absent “Voice of Reason” as he calls in from Bali, land of the unpleasant tourists. Steve is being forcefully deported and should be back with us for the next show. If we are nice he’ll show us his slides from the trip.
Today’s show features the hard core of our staff. The lovely and talented Clark, the lovely and talented P-Dub, the lovely and talented Miss Marilyn J, the lovely and talented Bill Schmotz, and of course the average but still pleasant Spike. Right off the top this show features things you won’t hear anywhere else. What other show would feature a pedophilia cheer? On a show that was to have no guests, we had a surprise walk on by Stephanie, the lovely and talented bartender from Ella’s Americana Folk Art Cafe. We even received a phone call from the lovely and talented Steve who is vacationing in Bali. Bill Schmotz lands the plane and we don’t even feel the wheels touch down. This is top notch radio entertainment.
As soon as we get rid of Steve, the really good guests start arriving. Tonight’s award deserving show features not one… not two… but four professional laugh creators. In addition to the lovely and talented Bill Schmotz, the lovely and talented P.W. Fenton, and Spike, we have 4 chitlin lovers… the lovely and talented Miss Marilyn J, the lovely and talented Clark Brooks, the lovely and talented Jeff Rey, and the lovely and talented Pearl’s Son. This may be our most lovely and talented show ever (except for the other ones).
This show features our core group of award deserving performers. Folks like Dr. Captain Clark, Bill Schmotz, the lovely and talented Miss Marilyn J, P-Dub, Spike, and even Steven. Speaking of Even Steven, despite what you may have heard in the “lame stream media”, this show does not feature an amateur colonoscopy, and that procedure was not botched by Dr. Captain Clark, and that is NOT the reason that Steve is taking a couple of weeks off. Also, that part of the show was NOT carefully edited out because the screaming distorted the audio. Steve is simply taking a vacation, and he has always walked like that. There will be no live show on Memorial Day, but that doesn’t mean that if you tune in you won’t hear something cool anyway.
Dr. Captain Clark was called away to cater to the countless whims of some woman named Betsy Meddler or something like that. This show also features two favorites… the lovely and talented Tatia… and the long awaited return of the Birthday Challenge.
As always this show has received an unspecified award of some kind.