Spike suggests a dollar in the tip jar every time he misspeaks. How much would you say he owes the jar this week? We are joined by a special guest, the lovely and talented comedian Jeff Rey. We explore copper power… water on Mars… and “po-tiss-o-pate” in a multiple choice test of general knowledge. I think I understand why, unlike Dr. Captain Clark, we did not win any of the awards we were nominated for in Creative Loafing’s “Best of the Bay”. We were not in the right category. Perhaps next year we should try to be nominated for “Least qualified to organize sounds into a coherent whole”.
This award nominated show is hosted by guest host and long time crew member, Dr. Captain Clark, and features the full cast of regulars plus one. The plus one in this case is comedian Tyler Horvath, known to most fans of the National Football League as “Tyler Horvath”. Clark guides us through topics like fraternities, phone calls from aliens, hoax bomb making, and phone calls from Miss Marilyn J’s cousins. We play a game of “Trump or Kardashian”, and of course we get the Christmas decorations ready for the holiday season.
In attendance this week Dr. Captain Clark, Miss Marilyn J, P.W. Fenton, Bill Schmotz, Steve Ericson, and special guest Janet Sciales the StarGoddess. We begin with a strange story about girl scouts attacked by a 5 foot shark in front of Publix. Then we move on to more normal things like taking a dump while on a pogo stick… Which leadsway into “Who’s Fooling’ Who?” and the “Routledge International Handbook of Ignorance Studies”.
Finally the famous game show “Answer No Um” discussed helicopters, nipples, 3D glasses, and the skin color of turkeys on Thanksgiving. But the game was clearly won by Bill Schmotz doing such an excellent “Trump Answer” he made us all forget what his question was.
“Don’t worry… the show gets better.” We receive pictures of our “naked ghost listeners”. We spin the wheel of questions and land on Head Transplants… Butt Plucks… Shrink wrapped children… paying for our date’s baby sitter… and finally we solve more of the world’s problems in a “Dear Spike On The Mic” segment. Please support us by scrolling down or clicking here to go vote for us in the Creative Loafing Best of the Bay competition.
On tonight’s show nobody won the 1979 Lime Green AMC Pacer, so it will still be available next week. On tonight’s all male revue, we discuss “missed connections”, “priceless art”, and “graffiti insurance”. P-Dub reveals he has a “sex queen tattoo”. Spike thinks Batman “should be paid for all the bad guys he killed and put in jail”. Finally, we learn that teachers of all races slapped Steve until they were buried beneath the 5 points building. If any show deserves an award, we submit this one for consideration.
The show begins with a segment that ends with P-Dub’s startling admission that he is a complete idiot. We move on to a story about the formation of a racist bank after a couple fights the evil empire. From there we attack a story Spike likes to call “Read All About It” despite it having nothing to do with reading and a lot to do with panhandling. Steve wants to return the streets to the hookers. Miss Marilyn wants to see firemen wearing only boots. Clark wants to differentruate between sellers and beggars. Bill Schmotz is worried about his insurance premiums. And finally, P-Dub comes out in favor of “Street Ribs”. It goes downhill from there to the crew being taught what to argue about, and somebody winning the birthday challenge.
The lovely and talented crew is augmented by the lovely and talented Miss Monica, who returns after a long absence to demonstrate her sticktoitivness. We weigh in on Implantable Contact Lenses. We learn that cavemen didn’t need reading glasses. Spike tries to convince us that “I.C.L.s”, as he likes to call them, can “moinomorphis” as your eyesight changes so you won’t need new ones. We learn that “Speed & Feed” is the name for the new meaning of weed & feed. You’re right. But it gets worse. We have a new game show called “Answer No Um”. I’m sorry, you probably think that I said, “Answer No Um”. I did. Here’s what that means. You must answer a question, without saying “Um”, and you have 30 seconds to answer. Did you think that means your answer has to always be 30 seconds long? Neither did the panel. And of course, Bill Schmotz proves once again that he is the show’s authority when it comes to Black History.
Approximately 55 seconds before this episode began, Spike left our paluscious studios to go to the baffroom. Subsequently he was on something other than “the mic” when the show started. It was perhaps after that when the staff realized how much he looks like Urkel. Once the show gets started we discover how much worse than Y2K same sex marriage is for government computers. Through this we learn that our show is #1 with Isis! Spike makes a dizecutive decision and tells us we can now order a cappungchain from Starbucks online. Unlike the entire cast, he seems to think that’s a bad thing. He then tells us about The Crayola Institute in Stockholm doing a study that suggests traffic noise makes you fat. As if that wasn’t frightening enough we learn that the cure is to wear a choker with a piece-o-low-centric sensor that scolds you on your smart phone for eating. Somehow the conclusion finds us in a medieval bowling alley mocking scientific inventions as they pass by. This could be our most important show ever.